I need you... [entries|friends|calendar] Marlene [Z O M B A I D] [ website | http://www.myspace.com/_clandestine_ ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

I dont know what I did... [11 Dec 2006|03:29pm] [ mood | retarded. ] [ music | none ] Well, I can add Dave to the list of guys that dont like me because they think im annoying. I honestly dont understand it. Its not like I try to be annoying. Im just being the only way I know how to be. It really wears a person down to constantly hear that kinda crap. So, im done going to church on saturdays. Its not worth it to go and know in the back of my mind that he thinks im annoying. I seriously feel like crap right now. Like im going to cry or something. It really hurts m feelings to hear that shit. Alright. Peaceoutside. COMMENT

Oi [10 Dec 2006|12:00am] [ mood | whatever ] [ music | Incubus - Anna-Molly ] I dont even know anymore. Im tired of everything. I think im slowly losing my mind. I dont know what to do. Nothing is working anymore. COMMENT

[29 Oct 2006|02:47pm] [ mood | ???????????????? ] [ music | AQUA ] 2:47 in the afternoon and im sittin here with Ashley eating chicken. Weee. Anyhow... NOA show was last night. Branden was of course, gorgeous. lol. I was Shaun from SOTD for Halloween and Ashley was Rasheed Jamison the Subway worker. haha. We schooled Jenny and Bridget at Fooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooseball. Major fun. Branden hurt me. Haha. Ashley and I came back to my house and chilled for like, 2 hours before we left for Ashleys friend Ashleys. We got there, and like talked and watched Hannah Montana. Tony drove us home... small talk was all that occurred. I think Ashley fell in love all over again. lol. "But aparently hes still attached to his bitch hoe girlfriend." - Ashley We came home and played LIFE and at corndogs. Then went and watched ARMOR FOR SLEEP. Ashley passed out about a half hour before me. lol Shes takin pics of me. Haha COMMENT

[27 Oct 2006|11:34pm] [ mood | Could we do it? ] [ music | My Chem. ] So anyhow... im really bored at this moment, hence why im posting an entry to this obviously dead journal. Oh well. It makes it easier for me to sleep at night when all my thoughts are somewhere else. I illegally downloaded My Chemical Romance's new album. Probably one of the smartest things ive done in a while. My phone was signed onto the internet for atleast 8 or 9 hours. I cant wait for my bill this month. Its going to be insane. Jackie rims my Kool-aid and then makes me create more. Damn her... But I still love the bitch. Jackie and I want to go TRICK-OR-TREATING together this year. We were talking the other day and her and I wanna be MY CHEM. Well, she would be Gee and I would be Frankie. It would be a lot of fun. I mean, come on... seriously. Hehe. I wish my computer wasnt a fuckin whore so I could play SIMS 2, since its what would make me really fuckin happy right now. I want all the other explansion packs for christmas. Theres 5 expansion packs and 2 stuff packs. 2 totally different things. But Marlene wants. I kicked the chair in the dining room lastnight, and I think I fractured or broke my pinky-toe. It is still in pain. Sadness. Ive decided that Z O M B I E is my new favorite word. Mainly because it is fuckin amazing. It makes me happy. Im thinking of taking out my left-lip ring. It just FEELS like its infected or not healing right. Im afraid to take it out because I dont know if ill be able to get another ring in there. I dont know... Im in the mood to write/read a story. But I know when I open Microsoft WORD, that I wont be able to type. And handwriting a story, totally useless. Ive started playing GAUNTLET again. I forgot how much that game kicked ass. Im in world 3 now. Yay. I need to go on a diet. And ive decided that November 1st though December 31st im gonna eat right and exercise. With the exception of Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. Haha. I want to lose this fat ass stomach I have. Its annoying. Id rather have a body that people think was created from doin Coccaine. Hehe. Im going to dye my hair as soon as I can get to the store. Its time. I think im gonna go blonde. GASP! Im still debating that. Tomorrow, I get to rake leaves with the family. Thats gonna be a fuckin blast. Haha. Im kind of hungry right now. Id like to eat. I think I might. ...fuckin Liza Minelli... Sorry, she was singing as I was about to type my next thought. Haha. For my pumpkin this year... ive narrowed it down to 3 designs... 1. The Zombie menu sequence in DAWN OF THE DEAD [remake] 2. The cover of EDWARD SCISSORHANDS 3. The OOGY BOOGY MAN from THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS Ive really thought about quitting smoking. I saw one of those TRUTH commercials with the cowboy with the hole in his neck. I really dont want that. EW. So, I think im gonna quit when I go on my diet. Happy face. Oh well, I think im gonna go now. Its been nice venting to you. Byebye. COMMENT

So, im stealing music as I type. [24 Oct 2006|11:46pm] [ mood | Cancer? ] [ music | My Chem. ] Ive been Downloading the new My Chemical Romance album for the past half hour, and im on track 12. How exciting. Ive fallen in love with the song CANCER. Im addicted to it. MOVing on... The whole point of today was to smoke a birthday bowl with Branden... being it was his birthday. But it was a total bust, Branden didnt even show up. So, Ashley Tyler Carrie and myself ended up smokin anyway in her garage. Carrie almost died from tripping over a slab of wood on the ground, and I did the same thing the second time Ashley and I smoked. It was great. : ] Her and I ate like, a bag of Tator Tots. They were so damn good. hehe. When I got home, I was all 'bleh' so I layed down and slept till 930p. Came downstairs and messaged back and forth with a few peoples on myspace. Then started DLing T.B.P. Well, im off. Peace. COMMENT

[23 Oct 2006|12:35am] [ mood | : / ] [ music | Goldfinger ] So, I revamped my Journal. Not like it matters. I write in it like, once every 4 months. And no one reads it or comments on any of my shit. : / Oh well. Im really bored right now. Its 1236am and I have nothing to do. I think im just gonna go back to my room. : / khateyoubye. COMMENT

They're learning... they're actually learning. [29 May 2006|07:00pm] [ mood | FUCK IT ALL! ] [ music | Eat me ] Well, ive been thinking a lot lately, and thats hardly ever a good idea. This morning, when Ashley told Jon that she liked him, I felt like, I was weak. I had convinced her to tell Jon, and here I sit, not able to tell Branden that  I like him. Of course to some, im sure its obvious. To all of those except him. I know in the back of my head, that if I tell him, nothing will happen, and i'll probably get laughed at and made fun of. Im so pessimistic and its killing me. I never think that anything I do or say will be good enough. Im scared to tell Branden because, he's better than me. Hes 15 and way cooler than I could ever hope to be. Ive seen girls at shows screaming his name and shit and gawking at him. He could have any girl he pretty much wanted. I always do this to myself. I think of all the things that are wrong with me and assume that those are the only things people see when they look at me. I never feel worthy of anyone. I feel worthless. I feel useless. I feel unwanted. I feel ugly on the inside and outside. Im not worth anything to anyone. I'll never amount to anything. Im just another lost soul wandering the wasteland that is our earth. Yeah. kthnxbye. COMMENT

No Ones Anthem, Closed Caption, and The Amino Acids... [27 May 2006|11:57pm] [ mood | ?????????????????????????????? ] [ music | N.O.A - Rott N' Die ] So ok... I just got home from one of the best show ever.  After about an hour of whining, bitching, complaining, and waiting, Ashley, Scott and I were finally at the show. We were early. There was maybe, 18 other people there. So we went and sat by this huge fan and fuckin waited. Some time passed and N.O.A walked in the backdoor. Some more time passed and the first band was up. I feel bad because I can't remember who it was. : [ ANYway... they were good. I liked them. I just wish I could remember their name. .grrr. Thennnnn... the next band started setting up and we wandered and shit. Ashley and I played the crazy hand clapping game thing. I dont know what the fuck its called. lol. Scott wanted a drink, so I was all, "Go see how much a MONSTER is..." He was all, $2.50. So we bought one and so did Ashley. Her and I chugged most of it. Then, CLOSED CAPTION came on stage and we went up there by the stage. We rocked out, acting like morons. lol. It was fun. Then, like, I started feeling light headed. I was leaning and shit. I couldnt stand up. The left side of my body had went numb and my hands were shaking. So, Ashley took me to the bathroom, hallway place. My head kept falling forward and shit. Then, I started laughing at a lot of things that WERENT funny. I finally got into the bathroom and peed. Then went back into the place and sat down. I was feeeeeling like fuckin shit. Scott went to pee and when he came back I was crying. Honestly, I dont know why. Just, anxiety or something. So Ashley took me outside and Sherry came out with us. I sat on the ledge and Ashley got me some water. My hands were going insane. Like, I felt like my grandma. Some woman started taking my pulse and shit seeing if my heart rate was slowing down. Some kid came out and was talking to us. He was nice. lol. Someone suggested a chair for me to sit down. Sherry came out and Mark was behind her. He was bitching cause I guess he was sitting in it. Then I sat down and he was all, "What happend?" And everyone answered for me. Then he informed that N.O.A was setting up and about to go on. So I stood up and was all, "Im going in, I came to see you guys." So they wheeled my chair inside and I sat front row center stage. It was funny. I think we pissed a lot of people off. But oh fucking well, it was so much fun. About, 1/3 of the way through their set, people were jumping and up and down and using my chair to steady themselves. I was getting pissed and like, upset. So, Ashley asked Mark if he would tell them to back up away from me. lol. I guess Ashley asked me if I wanted him to before, and I said yes. I didnt remember saying yes. I couldnt hear half of what was going on anyway. Then, maybe half way through, I was all, "fuck it." And I got rid of my chair and enjoyed the show.  I think it was during FORVER YOUNG when Mark like, pointed at me and was singing. Haha, I felt special. And not the "Derr dit derr" special. After N.O.A was done... weeeeee sat on the stage so we wouldnt lose out hxc spot. I was all, "Im gonna put THE AMINO ACIDS in my belt buckle!" So, I was like CRAZY putting the letters in there. I got it and had some time left to spare. Some time passed... and some more time passed... and a little more time passed. Then, THE AMINO ACIDS came on stage. Smoke machine and all. It smelled like maple syrup. I started really getting into it because it was like nothing I had ever heard before. It was just so amazing. The mosh pit was almost directly behind us. So, we kept getting pushed up onto the stage. The lead non-vocalist jumped into the crowd and shit and came running back and used me and this kid and jumped onto the stage. He turned around and was sitting there staring ahead. I was like, "what is he doing?" Then he put his hand out and like, followed the words on my belt buckle and put his hand out for a high five. Some other kid took my high five and he pushed his hand away after he took it and put his hand back up for another one and I was all, "YEAH BITCH!" They were so awesome... Me and Ashley jumped into the mosh pit, it was so awesome. Nice and hxc, just like I like it. I fell once, and it was cool. Haha. They were done basically, and we started getting our shit and whatnot. I was walking around looking for Branden Mark and Jon, and one of the guys from TAA came up to me and asked me about my belt buckle. It was cool. Scott called home. Ironically, Scott found a sharpie on the floor and we went outside looking for Branden, Mark and Jon. I wanted them to sign my water bottle. Soooo, we went to the back and smoked a cig. Jon came over to us and thanked us for coming. We were all, "you guys are so awesome." Then he went, "You guys come to like every show." It was good. Then I handed him my bottle and asked him to sign it. He was all, "Why?" And I told him, "Because, I love you." So, he signed it and then I called Mark and he signed my bottle as well. Some random girl came up to us and was talking and shit. I was all, "Hey, you were the girl I helped up." I shook her hand and whatnot. Then we went to the front and Branden was out there. So we went over to him and he signed my bottle. It was great. Then, somehow, my panic! attack came up and both Branden and Mark asked me what happened. So, I explained and whatnot. Mark asked me if I wanted a hug and I was like, "Yeah, id love a hug." So we hugged gave them both high fives and they left and my mom pulled up. ALL IN ALL, IT WAS AN AMAZING FUCKING SHOW! I WOULD DO IT AGAIN IN A HEARTBEAT! COMMENT

[04 Apr 2006|11:17pm] [ mood | I dont know...OBVIOUSLY ] [ music | Atreyu - The Crimson ] Bleeeh, im bored. I talked to texas Ryan toooday. He gave me the set list for Warped... bless his soul. - WARPED 2006 - AFI THURSDAY ANTI-FLAG NOFX AGAINST ME! RISE AGAINST UNDEROATH SENSES FAIL SAVES THE DAY PROTEST THE HERO RELIENT K JOAN JETT & THE BLACKHEARTS FROM FIRST TO LAST MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK BOUNCING SOULS TIME AGAIN I AM GHOST MATCHBOOK ROMANCE ESCAPE THE FATE VANNA LOVE EQUALS DEATH GOOD RIDDANCE ARMOR FOR SLEEP CHIODOS SLIGHTLY STOOPID THE EXPENDABLES LOS KUNG FU MONKEYS THE SCOTCH GREENS SUGARCULT RIVERBOAT GAMBLERS AIDEN SILVERSTEIN PARAMORE THE ACADEMY IS… ROSES ARE RED CRASH ROMEO EVERYTIME I DIE THE BANNER ZOX THE CASUALTIES FLOGGING MOLLY GOGOL BORDELLO PLAIN WHITE T'S GATSBY'S AMERICAN DREAM ROYDEN ALL TIME LOW HELLOGOODBYE BLEED THE DREAM HELMET BIFFY CLYRO BILLY TALENT AGAINST ALL AUTHORITY SHIRA GIRL SO THEY SAY FULLY DOWN Im pretty much excited about that. I need to save like, $60 by then. : / Ashley tells me that Ryan wants to chill with us. Sounds like it should occurr to me. : ] Im hungry... I want to eat like whoa. GOD DAMNIT HES GORGEOUS! I dyed my hair yesterday. Its pretty fuckin rad. Ashley bleached some of hers. We are so hott now, its not even funny. : | <-- See? not laughing... Kyyle got a screenname. Some girl made him D/L AIM. He wants me to tell you to add and IM him at - LykeItsKyyleOMFG Yeah, thats all. Mikey, I found out, is STILL in love with me. I mean, come on... move on babe. Hes got a girl already, but wont move on. Oh well, what can you fuckin do? Im tired now... But I want to take new myspace pics. I dont know. I need to straighten my hair first. Poooooops. Ok, well, im done here people. <3<3 COMMENT

Whats up hot food?!!?!? [01 Apr 2006|12:48pm] [ mood | Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ] [ music | Atreyu - Bleeding Mascara ] So, I just burned my mouth on my food. And, heres the real kicker, are ya ready? IT HURT!! Ok, well, moving on... this week of school, couldnt have sucked anymore for real. It just, was all bad. I dont think I had ONE good day. Im not even gonna get into how much horrible shit went on. Im not in the mood to make myself retarded. But, last night my mom, my 2 brothers, my aunt, and I went to Meijer. I got my hair dye again. The issue of REVOLVER with Atreyu on it = ], a new eyeliner pencil, special shampoo for colored hairs, and a 4 pack of ROCKST*R! Ohhh man, am I excited about my ROCKST*R.lol. I love it soo much, I think, im addicted to it. Umm, the REVOLVER mag is gonna be all up on my wall tonight. I think im gettin my hair done tomorrow, idk yet. Kyyle and I are dating now. Mikey and I are over. We agreed that it was best for both of us if we just split. I think he already has another girl anyway. Kyyle already knows about [HIM] and he doesnt care. Just as long as nothing happens between him and I, its all good. Well, im bored now and I want to clean my room. So... yeah, love ya. HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY FAGGOTS! COMMENT

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